Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now


In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?


Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now


I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now


In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?


What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed


"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled


In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?


I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now


"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled


In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Aaaargh! That 80s song by The Smiths has been running in my head for the last 36 hours or so as I write this (18:41 26/05/2008).

Googling for the exact lyrics, the last song syndrome afflicting me shifted to high gear and is driving me bonkers.

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die?

Geez…bull’s eye…direct hit…bingo!

People back home thought that I’m such a lucky bloke for landing a job overseas, for getting a salary one could never imagine fairly getting back home… yeah right, I’m really lucky!

Lucky that in exchange for the extra oil moolah. . .

I became an absentee husband, father and son;

I live in a rat-infested, cramped, dingy dump that would’ve gotten me an upscale apartment in Makati, Ortigas or Libis if I spend the rent money back home;

I am constantly under threat of eviction because bachelors don’t have the right to live in a decent home:

I can only afford to eat cat food (canned fish or instant noodles) because the high cost of living has made “normal, hot food” a luxury;

Because I’m disconnected from the rest of the world – no internet, no TV connection – I’d rather stay in the office until late in the evening than spend my precious early evening free time in solitary confinement;

Because of the stupid loan I took out, I’m stuck in the desert for the next six years.

Because my real friends are far away and those whom I thought were my friends don't really care.

Really . . . . heaven knows I’m miserable now!